Herb Mint Facial Mask and Other Patrick Bateman Picks
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I’m not completely sure what this says about me, but American Psycho is probably one of my favorite movies of all time. If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know that the plot line consists of business meetings, well-fitted suits, an axe to Jared Leto’s face, and monologues upon monologues. Perhaps even more fascinating than that, though, is that Patrick Bateman, Christian Bale’s character and the film’s lead, has some serious thoughts about skincare. In particular, he loves a good herb mint facial mask.
You say textbook narcissism, I say cool new beauty routine to try for a week. Anyway, that scene where Bateman slowly peels off his herb mint facial mask will forever be etched into my memory. I always wondered how long it would take to go through these motions every day before work and the impact it would have on my skin. After all, Bateman had a pretty great complexion, but I suppose a lot of that could be chalked up to movie magic. Realistically, I knew it would probably take me close to an hour, so for a week, I set my alarm earlier, and with the appropriate products, I practiced Patrick Bateman’s morning routine—except, of course, for the whole murder part. Keep reading to learn more.
Gel Ice Pack
Amazon
“In the morning if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1,000 now.” —Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
First of all, I can barely do 30 crunches in one sitting, but I gave it the old college try a few times. After probably the second day, I decided to forgo the crunches and do my hair while I let the gel mask do its thing. It had a slight depuffing effect, which was nice if I happened to be crying the night before, but nothing insanely dramatic.
Deep Pore Cleanser
Courtesy of Sunday Riley/Sephora
“After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleansing lotion.” —Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
Following this step, Bateman hits the shower, and I’m not sure that I know anyone who would apply a lotion prior to showering. What a waste, right? It would just get washed off. Then again, the ’80s were all about excess, and knowing his behavior, I wouldn’t put it past him. Still, I decided to swap the lotion for Sunday Riley’s Ceramic Slip Cleanser, which is infused with clay for that deep pore-clearing action.
Sol de Janeiro Brazilian 4 Play Moisturizing Shower Cream-Gel
Courtesy Sol de Janeiro/Sephora
“In the shower, I use a water-activated gel cleanser…” —Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
Suffice it to say that my shower routine also got somewhat longer since my usual lineup would consist of body wash, face cleanser, and dragging a Venus Razor over my legs. I only use shampoo and conditioner on days I feel like washing my hair, which is usually an every-three-day deal. I kept my usual body wash among the products: Sol de Janeiro Brazilian 4 Play Moisturizing Shower Cream-Gel, which also happened to be a water-activated gel.
Exfoliating Gel Cleanser
Courtesy Tata Harper/Sephora
“…and on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub.”
For most people, washing their face a total of once in the morning would be enough—but Patrick Bateman isn’t most people. Once I scrubbed down the rest of my body, I’d follow with the Tata Harper Regenerating Cleanser, which is infused with beta-hydroxy and salicylic acids to gently exfoliate the skin.
Peel-Off Mask
Courtesy of Glamglow/Amazon
“Then, I apply an herb-mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.”
But wait, there’s more! Like a product being sold on TV at two in the morning, Patrick Bateman’s skincare routine includes at least four more components. Finding a peel-off mask was very important to me, and Glamglow’s Gravitymud included the required skin-firming herbs as part of its ingredient list. It veers from the plot in that it turns silver, but is super-satisfying as it comes off in one complete sheet.
Alcohol-Free Toner
Courtesy of SK-II
“I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older.”
I don’t use aftershave, but I fear looking older a lot of the time, so a toner or essence devoid of alcohol is necessary post-mask for closing your pores. I’m a big fan of SK-II’s Facial Treatment Essence. The hero ingredient here is pitera, which is derived from sake and boasts all the hydrating and anti-aging qualities that would make Bateman’s heart sing.
Moisturizer
Courtesy of Tatcha/Sephora
“Then moisturizer…”
Bateman is all about those designer labels and anti-aging, so I figured he’d approve of Tatcha’s skincare products, particularly The Dewy Skin Cream. This moisturizer is lightweight and extra hydrating.
Eye Cream
Courtesy of Biossance/Sephora
“Then an anti-aging eye balm…”
Eye cream is important. Although I only started using the Biossance Squalane + Peptide Eye Gel the week my project kicked off, it’s one I’m going to continue using. I saw a pretty dramatic difference in my dark circles within a few days, completely thanks to the all-natural ingredients used in the Biossance mix.
SPF-Infused Moisturizer
Courtesy of La Prairie/Nordstrom
“Followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.”
Patrick Bateman doesn’t seem like the type to go all out with anti-aging skincare, only to skip suncare. When La Prairie launched back in 1987, it was widely considered one of the most decadent brands out there. I mean, they used caviar as a staple in their formulas. While this sunscreen doesn’t include the ingredient it does contain a generous amount of Swiss edelweiss, which helps repair existing sun damage.
